I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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