Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
