Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
