I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
