"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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