what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
