Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
