the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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