So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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