Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
