you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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