i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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