plz talk dirty to me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
