That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize