I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
