Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
