He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
