took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
