I faked an abortion last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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