I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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