I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
