So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
