fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
