I CAN MOONWALK!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
