Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
