who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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