um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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