just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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