you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
