Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
They have beer where we have blood.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
