Kiss
Puke
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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