Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
