Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You smell like stripper and shame
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
