I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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