Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
