I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
