I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
