There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
