Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
