I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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