Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
