I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
