it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
