I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
