she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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