I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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