dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
