If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
