I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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