I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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