My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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