i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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