were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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