I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
