Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
