Little spoons don't ask big questions
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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