Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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