Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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