i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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