I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
