I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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