How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
