it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
