i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
