what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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