tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
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No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize