he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
