So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you would pick up someone in the library
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
