why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
