I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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