I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
