in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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