I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
