It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
