Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
