Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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