A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
